“Teach Us to Number Our Days”: Wisdom and Age

Psalm 90 is attributed to Moses. It sets human life, “seventy years, or if due to strength, eighty” (90:10), against God’s eternity, and it asks for one thing: to count our days so that we gain wisdom. Job 12:12 states the conventional view that wisdom comes with age. The book itself complicates this. The young Elihu later says, “The abundant in years may not be wise” (Job 32:9). Scripture expects age to bring wisdom, but does not promise it.

Social reasoning improves with age. Grossmann and colleagues (2010) asked people of different ages to read about social conflicts and predict how they would unfold. Older adults were more likely than young and middle-aged adults to reason in ways counselors and wisdom researchers consider wise. They considered multiple perspectives, allowed for compromise, and recognized the limits of their own knowledge. This held despite declines in other kinds of thinking speed and fluid intelligence.

Numbering days changes priorities. Socioemotional selectivity theory, developed by Carstensen, Isaacowitz, and Charles (1999), proposes that how much time people believe they have left shapes what they pursue. When the future seems open, people prioritize gaining knowledge and new contacts. When time seems limited, they prioritize emotional meaning and close relationships. This shift shows up in younger people too, when their time is made to seem short. Older adults also tend to attend to and remember positive information more than younger adults do, which seems to reflect a greater focus on regulating emotion (Mather & Carstensen, 2005).

What the studies cannot tell us. Wisdom in these studies is measured narrowly, as reasoning about conflicts, and averages hide large differences between people. Not every older person is wise, as Job 32:9 warns. Psalm 90’s wisdom is “a heart of wisdom” presented to God, not only better social reasoning. The convergence is with the psalm’s prayer. Facing the limits of life tends to sharpen what matters, and age, rightly used, can bring a wider view.

Practice

Living it out

Five practices drawn from this passage. Each says how strong the research behind it is. What the labels mean.

1. 1

   Number your days, literally

   Estimate how many weeks you may have left, and pray Psalm 90:12 over that number.

   ModerateA sense of limited time shifts priorities toward meaning and close relationships (Carstensen et al., 1999).
2. 2

   Ask an older man how he’d handle it

   Bring a current conflict to a wise older man and listen.

   ModerateOlder adults reasoned more wisely about social conflicts in a representative sample (Grossmann et al., 2010).
3. 3

   Invest in your closest relationships now

   Don’t wait for old age to prioritize them.

   ModerateThe theory suggests a limited time horizon focuses people on close ties (Carstensen et al., 1999).
4. 4

   Practice seeing the other side

   In a disagreement, state the other person’s view fairly before giving yours.

   ModeratePerspective-taking is one of the marks of wise reasoning that increased with age (Grossmann et al., 2010). As a practice, it is untested.
5. 5

   Don’t assume age makes you wise

   Keep learning, keep listening, and keep repenting.

   ObedienceObedience. Commended by Scripture (Job 32:9; Prov. 1:5).

Studies cited on this page3

1. ↗ Carstensen, L. L., Isaacowitz, D. M., & Charles, S. T. (1999). Taking time seriously: A theory of socioemotional selectivity. American Psychologist, 54(3), 165–181. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.54.3.165
2. ↗ Grossmann, I., Na, J., Varnum, M. E., Park, D. C., Kitayama, S., & Nisbett, R. E. (2010). Reasoning about social conflicts improves into old age. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 107(16), 7246–7250. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1001715107
3. ↗ Mather, M., & Carstensen, L. L. (2005). Aging and motivated cognition: The positivity effect in attention and memory. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 9(10), 496–502. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2005.08.005