“Godly Sorrow” and “the Sorrow of the World”: Guilt and Shame

Paul had written the Corinthians a painful letter, and he is relieved that it grieved them in the right way. Their sorrow led to change: “what earnestness… what vindication of yourselves… what avenging of wrong!” (7:11). He contrasts it with “the sorrow of the world,” which leads to death. Peter and Judas are the classic pair. Both betrayed Jesus, and both felt sorrow. One sorrow led back to Jesus and restoration (John 21). The other ended in despair (Matt. 27:3–5).

Guilt versus shame. Psychologists draw a related distinction. In a major review, Tangney, Stuewig, and Mashek (2007) describe guilt as a feeling focused on a specific behavior: “I did a bad thing.” Shame is focused on the self: “I am bad.” Their review summarizes a large body of research finding that guilt-proneness tends to motivate people to confess, apologize, and repair. Shame-proneness tends to motivate hiding, denial, and blaming others. It is also linked to anger and to psychological problems such as depression. Guilt, in this research, is the more adaptive moral emotion. Shame is the more painful one, and often the less useful.

What the studies cannot tell us. This is psychological research, much of it based on self-report questionnaires, not neuroscience. Paul’s categories are theological: godly sorrow is sorrow “according to the will of God,” which the research does not measure. They don’t map neatly onto guilt and shame. Still, the convergence is close. Sorrow focused on what I did, and turned toward repair, tends to lead to life. Sorrow focused on what I am, and turned inward, tends to lead toward death.

Practice

Living it out

Five practices drawn from this passage. Each says how strong the research behind it is. What the labels mean.

1. 1

   Name the act, not the identity

   When you confess a sin, say what you did (“I lied to my wife about the money”) instead of what you are (“I’m a failure”).

   ModerateBehavior-focused guilt is linked to repair, and self-focused shame to hiding and blame (Tangney et al., 2007). The practice itself was not tested.
2. 2

   Move from sorrow to repair within a day

   After you’ve done wrong, take one concrete step to make it right: apologize, return, or restore.

   ModerateModerate that guilt tends to motivate reparative action (Tangney et al., 2007).
3. 3

   Answer shame with the gospel

   When “I am bad” thoughts come, remember that in Christ your identity is not your failure (Rom. 8:1).

   ObedienceObedience. Commended by Scripture. Untested.
4. 4

   Don’t shame your children

   Correct the behavior, not the child’s identity: “That was unkind,” not “You’re a bad kid.”

   ModerateModerate, by inference from guilt-shame research summarized in the review (Tangney et al., 2007).
5. 5

   Watch for shame that won’t lift

   Persistent shame is linked to depression. If it lingers, talk with a pastor or counselor.

   ModerateShame-proneness is linked to psychological symptoms (Tangney et al., 2007).

Studies cited on this page1

1. ↗ Tangney, J. P., Stuewig, J., & Mashek, D. J. (2007). Moral emotions and moral behavior. Annual Review of Psychology, 58, 345–372. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.56.091103.070145