“He Who Walks with Wise Men”: The Company You Keep

Proverbs speaks of walking with someone, the daily, side-by-side life of companions. Paul quotes a Greek proverb, probably from the playwright Menander, to warn the Corinthians that their beliefs and their behavior were being shaped by the people around them. Both texts assume that character is contagious in both directions.

Peers change risk-taking. In an experiment by Gardner and Steinberg (2005), 306 people in three age groups were randomly assigned to complete risk measures and a driving game either alone or with two same-aged peers. Everyone took more risks with peers present, but the effect was strongest in adolescents and young adults and weaker in adults over 24. Chein, Albert, O’Brien, Uckert, and Steinberg (2011) repeated the driving game in an fMRI scanner. When teenagers knew peers were watching from the next room, reward regions such as the ventral striatum and orbitofrontal cortex became more active, and that activity predicted their risk-taking. The presence of friends seemed to make risky choices feel more rewarding.

Habits and moods spread through friendships. Researchers mapped the friendships, family ties, and neighbors of 12,067 people in the Framingham Heart Study over 32 years. A person’s chance of becoming obese rose by 57% if a friend became obese during the same period, and smaller effects appeared for siblings and spouses (Christakis & Fowler, 2007). Happiness showed a similar pattern among 4,739 people: a friend living within a mile who became happy raised a person’s chance of being happy by 25% (Fowler & Christakis, 2008). Both effects reached out to three degrees of separation, to the friends of friends’ friends.

What the studies cannot tell us. The Framingham “contagion” findings are debated. Similar people choose each other as friends, and shared environments can mimic spread, so some of the apparent influence may not be influence at all. The peer-presence experiments are cleaner but use lab games. And Scripture’s concern is moral and spiritual wisdom, not body weight. Still, the direction of the evidence is clear: the people we walk with shape what feels rewarding to us.

Practice

Living it out

Five practices drawn from this passage. Each says how strong the research behind it is. What the labels mean.

1. 1

   Audit your weekly company

   List the people you spend the most hours with, in person and online. Ask of each: does time with him make me wiser or more foolish?

   ModerateHabits and moods cluster and appear to spread in social networks (Christakis & Fowler, 2007; Fowler & Christakis, 2008), though the causal claim is debated.
2. 2

   Walk with one older, wiser man

   Ask a man further down the road to meet with you monthly.

   ObedienceObedience. Commended by Scripture (Prov. 13:20; Titus 2). The research shows peer influence, not mentoring specifically.
3. 3

   Protect your teenagers’ setting, not just their rules

   Teens’ risk-taking rises sharply when peers are present, so know who is in the car and where the group will be.

   StrongStrong from randomized and imaging experiments (Gardner & Steinberg, 2005; Chein et al., 2011). The experiments used lab tasks.
4. 4

   Be the friend who pulls upward

   If influence runs through networks, your habits affect your friends and their friends. Invite one friend into a good habit, such as a walk, a Bible reading plan, or an early night.

   ModerateNetwork spread of happiness and health behaviors (Fowler & Christakis, 2008), with the caveats above.
5. 5

   Name the “fool’s company” you need to leave

   If one relationship reliably leads you toward sin, step back from it, kindly and clearly.

   ObedienceObedience. Commended by Scripture (1 Cor. 15:33). The research supports the risk but does not test ending relationships.

Studies cited on this page4

1. ↗ Chein, J., Albert, D., O’Brien, L., Uckert, K., & Steinberg, L. (2011). Peers increase adolescent risk taking by enhancing activity in the brain’s reward circuitry. Developmental Science, 14(2), F1–10. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-7687.2010.01035.x
2. ↗ Christakis, N. A., & Fowler, J. H. (2007). The spread of obesity in a large social network over 32 years. New England Journal of Medicine, 357(4), 370–379. https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJMsa066082
3. ↗ Fowler, J. H., & Christakis, N. A. (2008). Dynamic spread of happiness in a large social network: Longitudinal analysis over 20 years in the Framingham Heart Study. BMJ, 337, a2338. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj.a2338
4. ↗ Gardner, M., & Steinberg, L. (2005). Peer influence on risk taking, risk preference, and risky decision making in adolescence and adulthood: An experimental study. Developmental Psychology, 41(4), 625–635. https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.41.4.625